Home!

I am back in the great state of Texas! I have literally never been away from home this long, and can't say I ever want to again! I missed my job, my apartment, my dad, and most importantly...my dog! I am very glad to be back, and am so grateful for the whirlwind that has been this last month.

I won't make this super long like my last post, but I feel like to properly go through this journey I need to document it. Going through this program was....transformational to say the least. I realize that is an incredibly big and important word...but it really fits. Before I left, I was in such a hole of feeling completely hopeless and thinking that my pain was going to be unbearable and controlling my entire life...and that wasn't a life I wanted. Before I would even get out of bed I did a mental body scan to see how bad my pain was that day or how exhausted I was. Then, depending on the severity I would either decide prematurely to just cancel my day and stay home to rest, or if I felt really great I would go and do everything I had been putting off on bad days, only to crash the next 2-3 days making up for it.

Now everything is different. This program gave me hope again, and showed me that I can be in control of my life, not my pain. Over the past month I have learned how much my negative thinking has impacted me emotionally and physically, and how they are all so complexly connected. I've learned tools in occupational therapy to make doing daily tasks like grocery shopping and laundry easier on my body. In physical therapy, in just three weeks, I TRIPLED the distance I can walk in five minutes, along with becoming much stronger in other muscle groups. And I learned invaluable coping skills that I incorporate into my life every day, such as relaxation, distractions, leisure, and self-care activities.

If you asked me on a scale of 1-10 if my pain is the same as it was before, the answer would be yes. The chances of it being this way the rest of my life is incredibly high. There is no more looking for a cure or treatment, but switching into management mode. But putting it in a different way, imagine a pie chart. Before rehab, pain consumed probably 90% of my circle....and now it's about 10%. And instead of focusing on my pain and letting my pain decide everything for me, I now decide. And that huge chunk is now filled with my friends, work, new hobbies, relaxation, exercise, and anything else. I have learned valuable moderation principles so that instead of going hard on good days and then crashing, I can have enough energy everyday to do the things I need to, without sacrificing anymore of my body.

Do you know how many positive thoughts it takes to overtake a negative one? 14. Who has time to sit there and think of 14 positive things about yourself for EVERY negative thing you think?? I certainly don't. It makes more sense to just think positively to begin with! It is truly incredible how much the mind and body are connected, and negativity goes a long way physically. Not to say that everything terrible in your life will magically be fixed if you just think something positive, but it sure makes the situation a lot more bearable, and I bet you'll find yourself a lot happier as well.

There's no way to truly explain everything I learned while I was there, but it is an experience I will never forget, and one that has changed my life. It was exactly where God wanted me to be, and it was completely in His plan, with His timing. The people I met there were completely incredible, and absolutely made the experience what it was. Being surrounded by people who truly understand how crappy life can be with chronic pain, and who are going through the same transformational experience I am, going through the same topics and routines. They were/are a constant support system. We learned from those who were farther along in the program, and then taught the newbies the ropes. I don't think I have ever seen such a constant and true meaning of "pay it forward" than the people I met there. And many of us have plans to reunite and hang out soon! They will all forever hold a special place in my heart.

Chronic pain will always be a part of my story....but it's not what my story is about anymore.