Paper.

As of today I have spent 366 days married to my best friend - that's right, we have officially hit the one year mark! It has been a whirlwind year, and we have been tested more than some couples who have spent decades together haven't faced and I believe we came out stronger than ever. The first anniversary is attributed to paper due to how fragile the relationship is in the first year. Looking back, I definitely have a deeper appreciation for this milestone.

Over the course of the past year-ish, I've often stared at my ring (which is gorgeous and perfect) and thought about how much more it is than a beautiful piece of jewelry on my finger, because it's so much more than that. Everything it represents has become so much more personal in the past year-ish. I say year-ish because it became a new piece of my life when we were engaged. From the moment we were engaged we planned for marriage. We registered for gifts in the planning of our home, we spoke with wise counsel and worked through things before they became problems in pre-marital counseling, and I went through the process of legally changing my name. We didn't just plan the wedding, but for our life together afterwords. There were times before the wedding that it almost wasn't on my finger - which makes it's presence that much more significant. This ring represents all the nights wrapped up in each other's arms, all the passionate kisses, the times we've cried from laughing so hard. But this ring also represents the times we've been frustrated with each other or life's circumstances.

We have been put through the ringer this year, for sure. We have been tested, tested, tested, and felt like we were at our breaking points too many times to count. Not at all because of each other, but because of the life circumstances we found ourselves in whether it be health, jobs, locale...but finally we are starting to see the other side of so many challenges. God has had His hand on our marriage from the beginning, even when we couldn't see Him. I was in and out of the hospital literally from the time we got home from the honeymoon and haven't been in the hospital for the past few months, which has been a huge blessing. It was a nice break while it lasted, as last week I had major surgery on my knee, and now I'm basically an invalid which has put another role on my sainted husband, of caretaker. Throughout my days with my husband, especially in the past week, I have seen the character of Jesus shine through Him. He never gets mad at me for my chronic illnesses or need for so much physical help at this time, but laments WITH me at the circumstances. He finds ways to make the humiliation of needing to literally be carried to the bathroom have enough dignity so I don't hate my life. He never complains about getting something for me, and manages to make my tears disappear. This is my first major surgery I've had post-marriage and it was such an eye-opening experience about the true bonds of marriage. "In sickness and health" was such an important piece of our vows that I specifically wanted in our wedding because I'm already sick and we knew going into this that it would be a crucial part of our lives - and my husband has never faltered in this.

The past year has not had a dull moment, and I definitely understand why people always say that marriage is work. But it's one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had and I absolutely cannot wait to see where this next year, and the many to come, take us.

We're No Different.

Big news of the day: my surgery is only 11 days away!!! I am both anxious and excited. My knee has given me so much extra pain and hardship on top of my already perfectly functioning body (ha!) that I am ready for the problem to be fixed!

Many of you know I have been using a wheelchair part time for about 10 years now. But with my knee being how it is, for the past month-ish I’ve been using it at work, which has been new and an amusement park of feelings. It’s no secret that I don’t use my wheelchair all the times that I should, because of the reactions I get from other people. I know I should be more mature and ignore the people, but when it’s your whole life and you don’t have to actually deal with it – that is a lot easier said than done.

After bringing up the topic with some of my non-disabled friends I was enlightened to find out that the reactions so many of us take the wrong way are sometimes people just being uncomfortable or not knowing how to handle the situation. So I’m hoping to shed light on the situation and tell my story from my perspective.

There are so many different reactions I get in my wheelchair – some positive, most not. To over-simplify it: treat us as you would any other person. That’s what we want and need. It’s hard enough mentally to go out in public in a wheelchair, fearing what people will say or do, and we don’t need it made harder by people treating us differently. My IQ doesn’t drop because I’m sitting down. I’ve gotten several comments from patients and their family members in the neighborhood of “A medical professional in a wheelchair? Wow!” or “You’re working in a wheelchair? That’s too hard.” Or several times I’ve gone into a room and heard “You’re in a wheelchair!” Yes, I’m aware. I’m also aware of my age. Unfortunately, disability doesn’t filter out based on age or occupation; it can happen to anyone at any stage in life. There’s no need to point it out. Trust me, we are hyperaware of our situation and are trying to lead as normal a life as possible, and you pointing it out for no particular reason other than to bring attention to it is embarrassing and unnecessary.

It is natural to wonder why someone is in a wheelchair, but there is a considerate way to ask. It’s not very helpful or constructive to ask someone “What’s wrong with you?” It automatically makes that person feel less than equal. If you’re curious and feel it’s an open moment, say something to the effect of “If you don’t mind me asking, why do you use a wheelchair?” This gives the person an opportunity to share if they feel like it, and to spin it positively by saying it aids me in this way or this is what condition I have, as opposed to something negative or wrong.

Surprisingly in the healthcare field, or at least my experience with my current facility, some people have straight up ignored me, or started conversations where I can’t hear or be involved which is frustrating. If I was standing, that wouldn’t have happened or I could have squeezed my way in, but in my chair I can’t.

One last topic I will touch on is praising disabled people like we’re superheroes. Yes, we very much appreciate when it’s recognized how much harder we fight to do the same things, but as with everything else there is a proper way to go about it. I don’t need you to be impressed that I’m holding down a job or going to the grocery store. It’s not appreciated when comments like “Good for you for getting out of the house” or “I can’t believe you have a job!” are stated. Just because I need to sit more than you doesn’t mean I’m some sort of demi-god for still doing what’s expected of a productive member of society. If anything, recognize the struggle. Say “Wow, that must be really hard,” or comment on their strength and determination. We want normalcy. We crave it. If I’m doing something ordinary but just happen to be in my chair, it’s not an Olympic medal worthy thing. It doesn’t need to be commented on.

Hopefully this helps non-disabled people see a little into how their (sometimes) well-intentioned statements are taken from the other side. Honestly I think it just is a lack of understanding from each side. Our culture is so quick to point out differences and especially with the rise of social media it seems like so many ordinary life events are now competitions for who can do it the best or putting on a happy face when behind closed doors life is completely different. Many people are taught that different automatically means worse, which isn’t the case. When you interact with someone in a wheelchair, just treat them like you would anyone else. We’re not as different as you think.

*Note: I do not speak for all disabled people who use a wheelchair. I’ve just dealt with this personally for so long and have many friends who feel the same way. There are times when we need help, were not invincible and DO need extra help, but still want to go about our life without that being any more of an issue than it already is.