Rain.

Rain is one of my favorite things in the world. Just knowing there's a chance of it brings a smile to my face. When I hear it I run to the window to watch it, and if the situation is good then I go run out in it. If they aren't right and I can't for some reason go out, I still stare out the window pretending I'm playing in it. Today I say outside on the bench just watching the rain and listening to it. It's just one of my favorite things.

There's something just so calming about it, I can't explain it. I just love it.

It's arrived!

The day of walking has finally arrived! It has been a long six weeks, and I am so excited to move on to the next recovery phase! Right now, and probably for about the next two weeks, I can only put partial weight on it, and then I can put my full weight on it.

Now comes the very literal part of my blog name. It's going to be a long road of learning to walk, and then in a couple weeks learning to walk basically without assistance. I do get to pull a House and have a cane for a while, which is different from the first surgery. This leg is my long one, so the boot is heightening the difference, whereas with my other foot it made it really easy to walk because the length was almost the same. Starting today I also have to start my therapy, which is pretty painful...but quite necessary. I have to get used to moving my foot again.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I just have to get there.

The next phase.

YAY!!! It's finally happened, I got my cast off!!!

Since it's only been 5 weeks since surgery, for the next week I still have to act like I have a cast and have no weight on it. Thankfully he didn't put me in another cast for just a week. But after a week, I can start to put partial weight on it, and after about 2ish weeks I can begin to walk normally on it. It's going to be a painful process, I can already tell.

Tonight for about 30 minutes I took off my boot to take a shower and was barefoot. Even without moving my foot extraneously, after I put my boot back on I was in crazy intense pain...I'm not looking forward to the pain of putting weight on it. But hereinlies the more literal part of my blog title...I'm about to learn how to walk...again. It's going to be a long process, but in the end I am excited for the outcome.

Today I got out of the house for almost the whole day, which was such a blessing. I am getting crazy cabin fever and will take just about any chance to get out of the house. We went to a few places in search of a fabulous Father's day present, and totally scored. Then we voted on the run off senate election (If you haven't voted, go and do it now!!) Then we went to Target just to look around because I didn't want to go home yet haha. I got a realllly cute shower curtain for my new apartment, and got some leads on some art for my room. I am awful at decorating, but I really want some pictures or art in my room....ps if you have any ideas let me know! I tried to find pictures of the 2 I liked, but I can't find it on the website :( Anything bright in color would be awesome because that's what my bed spread is and basically everything I own haha...Bright green, blue, you know... :)

Anyways, that's the latest on me. I suppose I should try to sleep now. Adios!

Attitude.

Hello all!



I have a video for my blog today...yay! I'm not sure how many of you know this man, but Matt Chandler is one person that I could never get tired of hearing. His messages hit you right in the heart, and when he speaks at conferences and camps I always felt like he was talking directly to me. He has taught me so many things, and has been such an example of a Godly person and someone to emulate. Again, not sure how updated any of you are on his life, but the past few months he has been battling brain cancer. Just about every week he makes a video blog updating everyone on his chemo and what the doctor is saying etc, and as of right now things are going pretty well. And of course, his spirits have never gone down during this process. But ever since I saw this vlog of his when he made it in December, it hasn't left my mind. Even in this tragic time in his life, he is still challenging people...and this video in particular is super challenging to me. So watch, and I hope it will challenge you too. The part I'm referring to doesn't start til about 1:15 in case you wanted to fast forward.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMerKVKssQU&feature=player_embedded

Man, that just hits me really hard. Here is someone who was just diagnosed with brain cancer, and has a very real chance of dying soon....and yet he is happy. He feels blessed even! That sounds ridiculous to most people, but yet I envy him. I envy his closeness with God and that he feels so blessed despite his circumstances. I hardly ever think of my disease as a blessing, and it's way less serious than Matt's. I mean it's hard to compare severity of diseases sometimes...but at least mine isn't terminal. So why should I complain? It's without a doubt that I would not have the relationship with God that I do if I was completely healthy. I have no choice but to depend on Him, because I have nothing else to depend on. I don't have myself to fall back on. My body fails me daily, and some days like today I wake up and every muscle in my body just aches. I'm just went through 2 major surgeries so I'll be able to walk for more years...but God always gets me through. And though having MD has brought me to a much closer walk with Christ and that is a blessing, I never say it like Matt does. I never am happy that I was chosen to have this or that now I get to be on the other side and glorify Him through suffering.

One day I really hope I can have that attitude.

Exciting!!!

I went to the doctor this morning and....*drumroll*.......no more infection!!!!

I'm so excited!! I don't have to pack my incision anymore, and it should close up on it's own in the next few days. Today is the last day of my antibiotics so after that I'm home free!

Another piece of exciting news is that today I get to move back up to my room! Being couch bound in the living room has its perks, but I'm ready to get back to my room! I still have my cast on for another week, so I'll probably be crawling around haha but that's ok. Which ps, only one more week! I can't wait to have my foot back! Well, I'm going from cast to boot so it won't be completely free but it's one step closer!

Without words.

I am always looking for clever things to put as my facebook status, most of the time because I'm not clever enough to think of my own haha. I was searching tonight and found a really good quote, and it really hits home with how I feel right now.

"In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart." - Gandhi

I've never really sat and thought about it before, but that's true! I mean, upon reflection, I act on this...although sometimes not in the best way. When I pray I feel sometimes like I have to have so much to talk about and I feel like I just have to talk...but so much of prayer is listening. And God knows our heart, so he knows what we're thinking and feeling even if we don't tell him.

So many times in the past weeks I have just been without words. There are so many situations going on in my life right now that I don't know what to feel about. Some I have no control over, such as my physical situation which includes everything from this infection that won't go away to just everyday life for me and the things I have to deal with. But others I do have control over, like certain relationships and how I respond to them. There are a couple relationships in my life that are a bit rocky right now and I hate it and can't stand the way we are....but I honestly don't know what to do about it. I literally sit around and think about what to do and I get nothing....my mind is a blank slate.

Why is it so easy to call up a friend and lay out a situation and ask for advice and just listen? Why don't I automatically do that with God? Why do I feel like I always have to fill my prayers with words, rather than just sitting still and letting Him speak to my heart and guide me in the way I should go??

Not really sure what is to come of this post...just things I'm thinking about.

Hitting the Limit.

The infection saga continues...

I went to the doctor today and he says the antibiotics are working! Yay! The pain is noticeably less and I don't have a fever anymore so that's awesome. He wants to wait til Friday to get some blood work and have a few more days for the medicine to kick in to make the next move. If progress keeps on it's current track then we're just going to let the antibiotics do their thing and run it's course...but if the discharge doesn't lessen up or my fever returns or pain gets worse, then going in surgically to wash it out will become a more likely possibility. The waiting and such wouldn't be so bad except for having to change the packing stuff inside it twice a day. It's SOOO beyond painful, but soon it will be over.

I'm reaching my frustration limit, which doesn't happen much and is not a place I like to be. Today the nurses and my doctor and others have been saying over and over "This is just a little bump in the road" and yes, I know they mean well and are trying to be encouraging but it's not sometimes. I know it's a bump in the road. I'm so tired of bumps in the road. I'm tired of pain and things going wrong. I'm so ready for all this to be over so I can recover and get back to my non couch bound existence.

Alright, rant is over. There's your update and peek into my brain so there you go. I hope you're having a great summer!