Done!!

It is still very surreal that as I type this I am no longer an undergraduate student. My "college" years are over. Yes, I'm going to be here for two more years as a graduate student, but it's just not the same.

Looking at my life now, and where I was when I started at Baylor four some years ago...I'm not even close to where I expected to be. I'm in a completely different place that I could have NEVER expected, yet there is no where else I would rather be. Coming to Baylor I had this grand plan for how my life would be when I graduated. I would make a 4.0 and get into the greatest medical school and become some crazy geneticist and find a cure for something incredible. I would have never imagined that I would have to take a semester off for major surgeries, switch my major to Nutrition, or be on a completely different career path.

But it has become incredibly apparent through my time in college that God has completely taken all my tiny plans for my life, crushed them and made them completely His own, and so much better than I could have dreamed. He has absolutely streamlined the path for me to be where I am, and I have absolutely no doubt that this is the direction He has always had for me. Despite both minor and major setbacks along the way, there were some pretty hopeless moments....but He has used those situations to grow me into the person He wants me to be, and now all the little pieces that threw me for years are finally fitting into a bigger puzzle and making sense.

During the ceremony today (while I was obviously hanging on every word that was being spoken) I found myself almost speechless, and just in awe of my college life. God has completely taken care of me and has never, ever left my side. Without His strength and love everyday I can say for an absolute fact there is no way I could have come this far.

For those that don't know, in January I am beginning my Master's degree here at Baylor. I also am working as a Diet Tech at a hospital here in town and am completely and irrevocably in love with my job. It's such a joy to love getting up and going to work, and being sad when I have to leave.

So here is my little graduation speech, and as cliche as it is...it's true. God has brought me through a momentous milestone in my life, and I cannot wait to see where He leads me.

Roots.

For the past couple weeks, and a few more to come, Kyle has been preaching over a series called Roots. Every single person at one point in their life or another comes across a storm of sorts, and just as the roots hold trees down during storms, we need to have a set of beliefs, or roots, to hold us down during our storms. Even during the sunny, happy times, roots keep you grounded...and without these truths to cling to, it would be incredibly easy to fall.

The first root was that the Bible is ENTIRELY reliable and spiritually medicinal.

It's important to have this one as the first root, because everything else builds on this. For you to really cling to the promises God has, you have to believe that His word is real, and reliable.

The second one Kyle spoke of today was incredibly convicting. And it is that nothing is random; God is the gate keeper for EVERYTHING in my life and He has good purposes in mind, and He is worthy of my trust.

The main verse we dug through today was Romans 8:28 which says "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been calling according to His purpose."

It's a short verse, but it's completely filled with truth. We have all been called to follow Him, and He absolutely wants the best for us. And this message sort of ties into the question of "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Just because we're followers of Christ does not mean our journey will be easy. In fact, several times in the Bible it says that we WILL face trials and tribulations, but to have comfort and peace in the knowledge that Christ has come to overcome the world, and our hope is to be found in Him. Bad things are going to happen, and though we may not have the big picture or reasons why at the time, God has a plan. Nothing sneaks by Him or goes unnoticed. Absolutely every single minute detail in your life has been planned, and God will use it for a greater purpose. And sometimes we may not know what that purpose is until we meet Him in Heaven.

The thing about today's message that really hit for me, was that sometimes looking at this verse it can seem like a vague promise. We are hard-wired to what to know the details of everything - why, when, and how. I especially do not like the unknown or unexpected, I want to prepared for everything and know what's going on. But it is a fine line with wanting to know answers, and accusing God. By needing to know why, when, and how something will be used is not fulling trusting God. And for me, being totally honest, that's a hard pill to swallow. Every single day I struggle with my body not functioning as it should, and wishing I could do things that I can't. And I've even been told straight up that I don't have enough faith because I have not been healed...which is not true at all!! But that's a whole other issue...I digress. I don't know why I have the diagnosis I do, or how God is going to use it for His glory....but I TRUST that this is all part of His plan for me. This acceptance has definitely not come easily, it's been one of the hardest battles of my life, and it is a daily struggle to trust Him. I would be lying if I said there weren't days when I literally cry out to God asking Him to take away my pain and this struggle that I don't want....but at the end of the day, I trust Him.

And it's not a single-issue problem, for me or anyone. Even trusting Him with the little things is important. That relationship you're not sure about, that person who hurt you so deeply, the loss of a loved one, your future plans....there is so much uncertainty in this broken world we live in, but we have to trust that God is sovereign and has a plan for everything. There is no random event that happens, no small thing slips past....EVERYTHING is planned. We may not see the why or how, or be assured of a date of when things will happen...but if it is God's good, pleasing, and perfect will for your life...it will happen. Trust.

Update!

Hello lovely readers!

It's been a while since I've had a health update, which is a bit ironic since it's the reason I've started this blog. But in a way, I love that it has become something so different than what I originally thought!

Anywhos. School has started up again and I have begun my last semester!!! It is surreal on twenty different levels, and super hard to believe I'm about to graduate! Still awaiting news on grad school....

And I have begun this last semester like a true slacker. I missed all my classes today for my neurologist appointment, which is bittersweet. Getting this appointment (which I made months ago) was a true blessing, and I'd rather miss the first day than a day close to finals when it's crucial I need to be in class, but I really like the first day! Getting to hear about the courses, the expectations for the semester, sometimes meeting new professors, is all part of the "first day" experience and I missed out on it! HOWEVER...the news I received at the doctor far outweighs my disappointment of missing the first day...

So the neurologist I went to see was new. He was recommended to me by my regular neurologist (who is pediatric, this one being an adult) to hopefully offer a fresh perspective, and to have someone I can fall back on when I go through random episodes and flares up. He recommended that I have a sleep study done, which now upon thinking about it, not sure why we haven't asked about that sooner. I hardly ever sleep, and am completely exhausted all the time which really just makes everything worse. So hopefully that will get scheduled soon, and they maybe find something!! I'm also taking a new type of medicine (yet again) to see if it helps with pain management. Here's praying it works.

BUT! The BIG news is that he said I am strong, doing well, and at this point am kind of static in progression. Which means there isn't much data at the moment showing him that I'm getting worse!!!! SUCHHHHH a blessing and a weight off to know I'm not progressing as much as we thought.

All in all, it was a fun little day trip for mom and I, and I am really excited about working with this doctor in the future and seeing what God has in store for me.

Even if.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I LOVE music. I love discovering new artists, or just listening, or playing. There's something so incredible about songs and their ability to take any emotion or situation and put it into a song, sometimes even when you can't find the proper words yourself. And it's an entirely different experience when you're going through something and "that" song comes on the radio or comes across your path that describes the situation perfectly, or its a message you needed to hear. One of these songs for me lately is the newest single from Kutless called "Even if".

This song basically describes my life, and I felt like sharing it, because I feel it describes almost everyone's life at some point, whether it be in the same way as mine or differently. The premise of the song is that even if healing doesn't come, God is still God and He is still faithful. For me, this song takes on a very literal meaning. I battle everyday with an incurable disease that I want to be healed from. But that isn't in God's timing for me right now, and hasn't in my 22 years thus far. But even if I go to my grave battling this disease, God is still faithful and hears my prayers. He still holds my life in His hand and is watching out for me, letting His plan unfold as I live each day.

This song doesn't have to be about physical healing, it could be emotional or spiritual. That friendship that burned you, the relationship that didn't work out, the loss of a life close to you....it hurts. Life hurts. But even if the healing doesn't come right away, or when we think it needs to...God is still faithful. It's hard sometimes to remember that during a trial, because we so often turn and think "If God is so great and faithful, why is He allowing this suffering?" It's all in His plan. We may not see the big picture right now, but I absolutely believe that every trial and tribulation, in addition to every celebration and smile, is a part of His glorious plan that is being carried out.

So today, even if the healing doesn't come....remember He is still faithful.


Watch the video here!

A choice.

Hope you're all staying cool in this crazy heat!

The past week or so I have been reading Captivating and the accompanying workbook, by John and Stasi Eldridge. This is one of my favorite books in the world, and I have given it to many of my girl friends as presents. If you haven't read it...seriously, you need to. I even know a guy friend who has read it, and the authors recommend girls read the guy book (Wild at Heart) so we can better understand how God has uniquely designed us, and how we oh so conveniently (or not) fit together.

This book has been just what I needed, and is forcing me to get real with God and the things I've been trying to push down for so long, and finally get the healing my heart needs. The healing that God desires for me. And for all of us! There are so many different issues I could talk about from the book (and probably will in future posts) but the one that hit me tonight is one I would like to share, as I have a slight suspicion I am not alone in my struggles.

Forgiveness.

That word alone could bring cringing, wanting to skip the rest of this blog, or perhaps peak interest. Its a big deal. One that easily gets pinned with typical "church" phrases like in the Lord's Prayer where it says to forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors (which actually is Col 3:13). And a lot of times I think we get the wrong idea about forgiveness...or at least I know I do. But this book put it in a really simple way, and honestly, one that I never really gave much thought to.

Forgiveness is such a crucial part to our lives, and at least for me, one that I don't really like giving much time to. It's hard. It forces hurt feelings and deep pain to surface. But until we forgive those who have hurt us, we are held captive by the messages that came with the wounds. Paul even warns us in Ephesians 4:31 and Hebrews 12:15 that forgiveness and bitterness not only can wreck our lives, but the lives of those around us. It is a choice, not a feeling. If you wait until you "feel" like forgiving someone - you never will. Now here comes the part that I never really thought about. Saying you forgive someone is NOT saying what they did didn't matter, and that it didn't hurt. It's is NOT saying "I probably deserved what happened." It in fact is saying "What you did was wrong, very wrong, and it hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give you to God." You're letting God take away all the pain and bitterness associated with whatever happened, and choosing to let Him hold that burden and not hold it inside and be prisoner to it.

It might also help to think of it as the person who hurt you so badly is pretty wounded themselves. They've had their heart broken and shattered just like you have, and they've fallen captive to the Enemy. Does that excuse what they did? Not at all. But it does help us to let them go, realizing that they are broken pieces being used by the Enemy to destroy us.

A very wise woman once told me that forgiveness was not for the offending person, but for me. That totally blew my mind! What?! They're the ones who screwed up. ME forgiving THEM is me getting on the higher road and letting them off the hook, right? No. Choosing to forgive someone is allowing God to take all the broken pieces of our hearts and put them back together, to take us in His arms, and to bring us home. It takes away the bitterness and pain from our hearts and allows us to move on and be closer to the One who always forgives us.

There are certainly people in my life that I am being held prisoner by because I haven't forgiven them. But I'm on the path of letting go. Is there someone in your life you need to forgive? If so, just pray that God would come and heal your heart. That He would take the wounds and shattered pieces and put them together and take away the bitterness and pain from those situations. It could be revolutionary.

HALTS

Happy Summer everyone!!! Hope whatever your plans are, that this post finds you well! Brinkley has certainly been keeping me busy, and it's truly like having a baby to take care of a puppy full time!! He brings such joy to me, and is a super funny dog though...so that makes potty training frustrating lessen a bit ;)

I have recently switched churches. It's been a long time coming, and a prayerful decision that has been covered with friendly advice. I've only been at my new church a week and I already love it! I'm already being challenged more than I have in months at my previous one. Tonight was the first time I went to the college Bible study, and it's exactly what I've been looking for, and the challenge I need. And I want to share that knowledge and challenge with you!

This summer the college pastor (hereafter referred to as Kyle!) is taking a movie as a basis for study each week. Now, let me ward off any suspicions of what I had thought when I heard that. He's not taking them and turning them into Bible stories or trying to prove that there are Christian symbols in movies or dissecting them to a "T". It is merely taking a storyline and building from that. Tonight's movie was Snow White and the Huntsmen....which about 3 people had seen. And according to Kyle, if you haven't seen it yet...don't. I was sort of on the fence about it myself and definitely don't plan to see it...or if I do, to only waste $1 and watch it through Redbox.

Anyway, I digress...

One of the main points of his message tonight was from 1 Peter 5:8-9a. For your convenience, here it is:

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith.

We (myself included) must remember that as Christians we are fighting a war. Satan is our enemy and adversary as a default. Right now he has sent his little minions on YOU. Their assignment. As the verse says he is CONSTANTLY preying on you, looking for your weakness to exploit. Don't give him the satisfaction of a victory. So we must be alert and of sober mind...constantly on guard and resisting the temptation to give in to that weakness. One thing Kyle mentioned was an acronym that has stuck with me, and it will certainly stick with me as well. HALTS. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Sick. Think about it! These situations are the ones in which we are most vulnerable! So in these states of mind we must be even more cautious and on guard for Satan to work against us.

Tonight really convicted me, and while I know you didn't hear his message, I hope it at least got you thinking. I have been in a vulnerable state quite frequently as of late, and have at times let Satan take advantage of that. But this verse is a good reminder and encouragement for everyone to guard their hearts and minds....and always remember we are at war, and not to let Satan win!

Brinkley!

I would be remiss if I did not formally introduce the new love of my life to you! Saturday morning I became the proud owner of Mr. Brinkley Walker :)

He is a mix of Havenese and Poodle...so yes, he's a havapoo. He is 9 weeks old, so still very young and sleepy, but he's starting to come around! He had his first check up today and he is healthy and looking good! He is slightly hypoglycemic because he isn't really eating much, so we're working on that! He is starting to teeth so he is chewing on EVERYTHING!!!

He truly is so great already. He is super chill and loves to lay down and be held, but he can also be active and play around with his toys. What's funny is even when he's throwing around a toy...he's silent. The dog doesn't make a sound! Haha, the only time he cries or whines is if he can't see me or I leave the room. So we need to work on that too, which I'm assuming will get better in time! I think he is going to be pretty funny, as he already is. His favorite spot is on the couch with his head in between the cushions or in between pillows. And when he sleeps (as you can see below) he always puts his head in funny positions...I feel like he's going to hurt his little neck!!

Brinkley has been so much fun already, and I am excited to see how his personality changes as he yes older. I am always up for hearing any puppy tips anyone has as well!! It has been 16 years since I've had a puppy, and as a six year old you really don't help out much, so I'm basically doing this for the first time!!

Purified in the Fire

Hey guys! It's been a while since my last post, but things have been crazy! They're finally settling down for the summer, and I am ready to rest! And yet even during this time of physical rest, my faith is being strengthened and is not at rest.


In 1 Peter  it is written " I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory." (1:6-7, MSG)


I feel like this verse has been the theme of my life lately, especially this week. I just finished rereading my favorite book for the 3rd time, Safely Home.  If you haven't read it, I totally recommend it. It's a fictional book based on 2 college roommates, and how faith brought them together in a way that neither one ever dreamed of. One of them is a struggling, persecuted Christian in China  who always mentions this verse. He never minds the trials (including torture and jail) that he has to endure because of his faith, and in fact finds joy in it as the Bible teaches we should.  Maybe that's one of the reasons I love this book so much, is because every time I read it I'm challenged to find joy in the struggles of life,  especially when it's so easy to be brought down by them. 


Ironically, or perhaps not, this verse also showed up in my Bible study this week. And I find myself convicted of not being joyful and times of hardship and suffering.  I am literally in pain every day, and yet it never gets easier. But even more than that, a great friend has hurt me deeply and I find myself mourning of friendship that I never thought would end. And even though I can find a lot of reasons to be sad (definitely not to say I'm not at times, even as I write this),  but God is working in my life. There is a greater purpose for my disease. There is a greater purpose for friendships ending. There is some door that is about the open for me, and I can't wait to find out what it is.


It's really hard to be joyful in times of suffering,  and I more than anyone needs to work on this... but all that matters is I'm trying. My faith is being put through the fire,  and through these experiences I'm being purified. 


If you're where I am, know you are not alone, and that there is a God  with a plan. And when it's all said and done, your faithful prevail and hopefully be proved genuine. The Bible promises suffering...it's to be expected. The whole book of 1 Peter is written to encourage those in trials, and I encourage you to read it. There may be trials right now...but one day the trials and sufferings of this human life will be traded for an eternal life of praise and joy...with the Creator. How great a day will that be?! Don't lose faith now. Be strong and gain encouragement that you serve a God who has totally been there, and will help you get through it. 


Father God,
       Thank you for Your love and creative work in my life.  It is so easy to get caught up in my own feelings when life gets hard, or when I suffer from someone else's unkindness. But God, I know You are in the midst of these trials, drawing me closer to you. Thank you for the sunshine and the rain. Thank you for the mountain tops when I feel so close to you, and the valleys when it is a struggle to look up. I know You want me to become more like You, and ask that you draw me close to Your heart throughout all the events of my life. Amen.

iCivics.

Today I was given the extraordinary opportunity to go hear Justice Sandra Day O'Conner speak on campus, and it was such a delight! She is a super spunky, down-to-earth woman and even though we were in a packed auditorium, she spoke in such a personal way it was almost as if she was having the conversation with just you.

Much of her talk was explaining the way the Supreme Court works, which was really interesting. And she is actually on campus because Baylor was chosen to help her with a business model for her new program called iCivics, and she was coming to view the model that has been created. It's a really cool program, and you should check it out!! Civics education has been decreasing over the past several years to make room for other things, and it really shouldn't! Everyone needs to understand how our government works, and what opportunities we as citizens have to be involved in the decisions that are made! The whole premise behind this movement is that on the site you can play games, but in the process learn things about the government! I went and looked at the site for myself, and the games are addicting!! AND to make it even better and more accessible, the website is free!!! It also has tools for teachers to do classroom activities with their students. The website is http://www.icivics.org/ and you should check it out!!

Sandra Day O'Conner is such an inspiring woman, and the fact that she is 83 years old and still continues to sit in for federal courts is amazing. She is intent on staying active and helping bring civics education back to its rightful place in society. Listening to her speak about her upbringing and the discrimination she faced as a woman in a man's work place was incredible. But she faced adversity, even having her first job be unpaid, just to continue doing a job she loved. And she ended up being the first woman to serve in the Supreme Court! 191 years of no women, and she broke through! Because of her courage and determination to succeed women all over the world began to enter the work force.

Getting to personally be in the same room with such an important figure of our generation was an amazing opportunity that I'm so thankful for. So go play with the website, spread the word, and get involved!!

Turn the Page.

I realize that since Easter was yesterday, technically I'm a day late. But I think this is applicable all year, as is the significance of Easter.

I went to church with my parents and grandparents, and got the opportunity to hear an incredible message. Easter is the biggest page turning even in history. Just when everyone thought the story was over...a new page was turned. And isn't that how God works in our everyday lives? Just when we think we can't sink any lower, that our story is over...we get a chance to turn the page.

There are so many things in this life that can be seen as the end. It could be a chronic diagnosis, an email that announces the company is downsizing, a text saying you've been cheated on. And yet Christ has the power to turn the page so that you get a fresh, blank page to begin anew.

We as humans have the power to turn back pages and live in the past...and I will be the first to admit I've fallen into that trap. But why go backwards when we get a fresh new start and have a relationship with someone who can turn the page and help us move forward??

An important point to consider is that just because we're given the grace of a new start, it doesn't erase the past. Just because you start a new chapter in a book, the beginning isn't erased. But we're not stuck on that page anymore...and that is the beauty of grace. The beauty of the cross.

So are you going to hold on to that page in your life? Or will you let Him turn the page for you?

When Waiting is Hard

Here's a blog from Proverbs 31 ministries, and it definitely encouraged me. I hope it helps you as well!!

When Waiting is Hard Wendy Pope

“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

Our hurry up, need it, gotta-have-it-now culture often makes us feel there’s something wrong with waiting and that we shouldn’t have to. Within seconds we can order a cute blouse from a trendy store, Skype with a friend across the country and text our husband a list of groceries to pick up on the way home. No wonder waiting can be hard to do.

David, the author of today’s key verse, was no stranger to waiting and knew its difficulties full well. Out of nowhere, Samuel showed up at his home to anoint the next king of Israel, who was to be chosen from David’s family. Only one of Jesse’s sons would be anointed as God’s chosen king for His beloved Israel. The son elected was David.

Scripture tells us the Spirit of God rushed over David and was with him the remainder of his days (1 Samuel 16:13 ESV). With such an anointing, we might expect David to run to the throne. But the only running David did was back to the pasture and his job as shepherd. Thus his wait began.

In the wait, God prepared David to be king. The only vocation David knew was shepherding. He did not know the ins and outs of kingly protocol or have the support of the people or armies. Instead of taking the position he was promised, David waited for God to move him from the pasture to the palace.

Waiting in the present is beneficial to our future. This is something David learned, along with many other lessons that we can find hope in during the difficulty of waiting.

1. Even though we are anointed and appointed we may still have to wait. David waited fifteen years to be king of Judah and even longer to be king of all Israel.

2. God’s ways are not our ways; His thoughts are not our thoughts. After being anointed and appointed David was called to serve Saul, the king who was sitting on “his” throne.

3. God doesn’t waste time … He redeems it. The time of waiting will be used to prosper us in each season of life.

4. If we allow it, our waiting will bring us an intimate knowledge of the Savior that we would not otherwise have. Most of David’s beautiful and poetic psalms were written while in caves, caverns and the wilderness, waiting on God.

5. God doesn’t ignore the cries of His children. David cried, and at times begged God for help, invention and defense. God never let David down. He did eventually take the throne, didn’t he?

6. Our waiting has a purpose for someone other than ourselves. Just think of how rich our lives are today because of the wait David endured. We have the comfort, compassion, hope and healing of his amazing poetry.

What awesome instructions David’s life gives for waiting! Waiting is less difficult and the future is brighter when we let God do His work in our waiting season. When we let our guard and defenses down He proves Himself faithful to bring His plans for our lives to fullness.

Dear Lord, help me wait. Help me wait well. I want to be still and allow You to bring Your plan in my life to its fullness. I can’t do this without You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Reflect and Respond:
Read more about David’s life starting in 1 Samuel 16.

What is your first response to waiting? Do you draw closer to or pull away from God when you’re waiting?

Write down what God taught you through this devotion on waiting.

Power Verses:
Psalm 27:4, “One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.” (NIV 1984)

Isaiah 40:31, “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (NIV 1984)

Lamentations 3:24, “I say to myself, ‘The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.’” (NIV 1984)

© 2012 by Wendy Pope. All rights reserved.

Something new to try!

It seems to me that the average person may perceive healthy eating to be boring, and without variety, however, they are gravely mistaken! There is always something new to find and experiment with, like kohlrabi! Kohlrabi literally means “cabbage turnip”, and is in the same family as more familiar foods such as kale and broccoli. Being in this nutrient dense family makes this vegetable a great choice. It’s low in calories, super high in fiber, and is full of many vitamins and minerals that frankly, we just don’t get enough of! Kohlrabi is incredibly high in antioxidants, and can easily add flavor to any dish. This delicious vegetable is available year round at almost any supermarket, although it’s peak flavor is spring through early summer. Traditionally it is incorporated heavily into European meals, but it hasn’t caught on in American currently. There are a variety of ways the vegetable can be utilized, either raw or cooked. Just like many others, it can also be steamed, barbecued, or stir-fried. It can be used to make fries, which are the perfect side to many meals, or even making it into a delicious pie! Who said healthy can’t be tasty? 

Here's a like that has 5 really delicious sounding recipes! http://tinyurl.com/7334clo 

Training your mind

I think ALL the time,  and in fact, there are hardly any moments when I am not thinking of the thousand things at once... Even when I should be sleeping.

This semester I have started taking yoga classes and it has been quite an experience. I love you for many reasons – one of the main reasons being that it is something that I can physically do. I can't do everything and can modify most things, and my instructor has been incredibly helpful with this. But not only that, it is constantly teaching me how to train my mind to relax, something I definitely can use.

At the end of each practice we laid down for conscious relaxation, something that is completely new to me. We listen to alpha waves, which I have learned  are the brain waves that occur in deep meditation states.  I won't lie, it has been really hard to train myself and I am still not perfect at it, but I'm getting better with each practice. Forcing yourself to be present in that moment and not think of what is going on later that day or what has really happened is really hard for me. But calming your mind and focusing on the music allows your brain to go into this meditative state and it is a feeling unlike any other. It's almost like a disconnect of your brain from your body and you're just in this place were there is nothing going on,  in for a chronic thinker like me this is paradise.

My instructor has also taught me about Delta waves, which help your brain mimic the same brain waves that occur when you're in a deep sleep. It normally takes me literally hours to fall asleep every night, the listening to Delta waves knocks me out in a matter of minutes. This is also taken a couple nights to get used to, because you have to force yourself to stop thinking and focus on the music.

I'm still learning how to not not think,  can be present in the moment, the learning how to train my mind has been quite an experience and one that I am very thankful for.   I am most definitely recommend  Yoga for everyone,  and it is a lot more intense than people think.  It is a great workout  and ironically also one of the most relaxing things ever.

 Even if  yoga is not for you,  listening to different waves and training yourself to relax with all the craziness of this world going on would be a good lesson  for us all.

If I can do it anyone can, and I think you should!

Sucky. Sucky week.

This week has basically just sucked. Had 5 tests...lots of friendships going through stuff...and the fact that at the current moment I can barely use my hands...Hence why this won't be too long.

I went to the doctor today and she said that my MD is spreading into my hands which explains my current predicament. There is a muscle that goes through your palm that for me has already wasted away in both of my hands, and as a result is making the big muscle below my thumbs work too hard, so they are super weak and wasting as well...which is why they hurt so badly. Not only is it a constant sharp, throbbing pain,  but if I use that muscle it cramps up and locks.

So...what does that mean? Not much. They can't do anything to stop it. But in the mean time I am waiting on some pain meds that will hopefully make it bearable, and I am going to go to Occupational Therapy. With that I will basically have to re-learn how to do everything...without using my thumbs. Hopefully they can teach me how to use the other muscles that I do have, and maybe give me ideas for adapting to this new stage in my life.

Prayers would be much appreciated. Frustration doesn't even come lightyears close to scratching the surface of how I'm feeling.