Breathe worship.

Hey out there!

I recently have been OBSESSED with this song, called Alive In This Moment. It's by Starfield, a not so huge Christian band, but they have really awesome music, so I'd definitely recommend them!

Anyway, in the chorus of the song it says: "I am alive in this moment, in this moment I am found. I am alive in this moment, in this moment I belong."

I just love those lyrics, and the lyrics of the whole song. It's just explaining the awesome feeling of belonging and purpose you get when you are worshipping Christ, and the feelings we get with true worship...such an incredible experience!

I feel like we get so busy in our day to day events (and I am definitely included) and forget why we're really here. We were put here to glorify God and share His word with everyone...and what better way to do that, than to be in true, vulnerable worship all the time? When I met Todd Agnew (a Christian artist you may or may not have heard of), and he signed my CD, I can still remember what he wrote because it really stuck with me. He referenced Colossians 3:23 and just wrote "breathe worship". That's what we all need to do everyday, is just breathe worship!

So think about that today, and totally listen to this song! I even included the link, because I know one friend in particular won't go to anything I tell her unless I send the link too haha.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehgCYO2sUI4

I'm going to be beastly and post twice in one day. I meant to do my previous post yesterday, and then after church today I wanted to do another one...so they just happened to be both today.

Today in church we talked in detail about the crucifixion and everything that Jesus went through...for my sins. For your sins. And honestly, I was cringing and it was really hard to listen to. But it should be! No one should be able to sit and just listen with no extra thoughts or sorrow or pain at what He did for us. He wanted God to find some other way and to "pass this cup" from Him...but ultimately He said "May your will be done." No matter how much he wanted to not have to die this EXCRUCIATING death, He still did it because it was the Father's will. And during all the trials he went through before His death, while he was being mocked and slapped around...He just took it. It was funny because my pastor was talking about that fact today (and I totally agreed with him) because he was talking about when they blindfolded Christ in Matthew 26:67-68 "Then they spit in his face and struck him with their fists. Other slapped him and said. 'Prophesy to us, Christ. Who hit you?'" He was saying, well of course Christ knew who it was...but he just sat in silence and took it. He said had He been Christ he would have struck the guy down right there haha.

Back to the serious note, is that this is something I never really focused on before. I knew all the crazy awful and horrendous things Christ went through for me...but I never really just sat and focused on how docile He was and how he just let it happen.

Then towards the end after some really great worship and reflecting time, we talked about how to respond to this time of the year. We ought to do 3 things: love Christ, hate sin, and TELL SOMEONE! So, I took him quite literally and am telling all of you!

Christ loves YOU so, so much. I would love to answer any questions anyone may have. This Friday is such a staple in Christianity, and is so, so important to our story. Christ died the most brutal death for each and every one of us...and then HE ROSE AGAIN!! He is alive!! Man, just such an incredible, incredible love that I can't begin to explain!!

On this Sunday before Good Friday and the Easter weekend...these lyrics are truly my heart's prayer right now.

"Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours

Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause

As I walk from Earth into eternity"

My Sister's Keeper.

Friday night I went camping for the first time!!! Aside from the hurricane-like winds that were crazy scary while being in a tent, it was an extremely successful trip! I pitched my first tent, slept in said tent for the first time, and successfully woke up the next morning :)

It was SUCH an incredible time of fellowship with KXA, I love all of those girls so much. And our big brothers are the greatest guys EVER! I got to get close to some people that I had never gotten to talk to much, which was really exciting!! Our family won Most Creative dessert, which was exciting as well! Way to rep it, hott family!

We also had a few devotional times which were really awesome. Something Christina, one of our sponsers, mentioned that really stuck out to me was a story she told about her brother. He and a lot of his Marine friends got a tattoo that said "My Brother's Keeper" as a symbol that no matter what happens or where they are, that they would take care of each other. And that's one of the main reasons we have a sisterhood like KXA...no matter what, or what we're going through we're always there for each other. I know I can count on them for anything, and they have the same feelings towards me.

I am my sister's keeper.

Rough.

Today was kind of a rough day. Actually, it was a fantastic day, just a really sucky part in the middle.

I think it's really important for non-Christians (and Christians alike) to know that just because we are Christians, that doesn't mean everything is going to be perfect and peachy. It's really hard to explain without it sounding funny, but hopefully you get my drift. God makes awesome days even more awesome, but He also gets us through the rough ones...like today.

Tonight 2 of my best friends and I went to Chickfila for dinner, nothing unusual. I got to drive (yay!)! While we were standing in line, the guy behind me tapped me on the shoulder asked if I was the owner of the Jeep parked in the handicapped spot, and I told him I was. He proceeded to tell me that his grandmother can barely walk and really appreciates those spots and I told him I had a license plate and had the right to park in that spot. He was like "Well you all seem to be walking fine to me" etc, and asked the nature of my handicap. I was caught COMPLETELY off guard and have never really had someone ask me to explain why I park there. I didn't know what to do, so I got a little angry (and was afraid I was going to say something completely inappropriate...or cry) and just told him that I didn't have to justify why I park there, but I am handicapped and could. The conversation awkwardly ended there, and then for the next hour while we ordered, ate, and drove home I had to consistently try to not cry. And when I came home I called my mom and just bawled.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said "No one can make you feel inferior, without your consent." And today, I gave that guy my consent. I know now how to handle the situation if it were to happen again, and that I need to help educate stupid people like that who judge based on appearances. It's so easy to say I'm not going to let stupid people hurt me...but it's an entirely different, and extremely hard thing to actually do. I know that MD does not define me, nor do I want it to. But today that's exactly how that man made me feel...defined by my disease.

It was just like reality slapped me in the face today. I feel like everything is going so great, I get to wear my boot part time and I'm back at Baylor hanging out with all my friends and everything appears to be "normal" again for me, and then this happens and it's almost like the devil is saying "Don't get too happy, remember you're broken."

I pride myself on being this brave person who never gets hurt or put down when it comes to my MD, but truth is...I do. I try to keep it inside and pretend everything is okay but today I just couldn't. He really hurt me, and I so wish I could go back and say all the great things I've thought of to say now.

Today was a hard day, and my heart still hurts because of his judgment and words....but tomorrow is a new day, and this weekend is going to be fantastic! I'm going camping tomorrow with my KXA sisters for our Sisterhood retreat, and it is going to be such an incredible time of fellowship and worship. I'm ready for this pain to go away.

News!

Hello readers! (If there are any ha ha)

I went to the doctor yesterday, and for once in my life I got great news medically! He said he is really happy with the progress I've made so far with my therapy, and the new bone in my foot has almost completely healed! We have agreed to schedule the next surgery on May 11. This time I get to be admitted after my surgery for pain management which will be AWESOME. Having to do the last one as an outpatient procedure was pretty awful once I got home and had to deal with the pain myself.

Now comes the physical meaning of my blog name. In the next month I will be slowly weening myself from my walking boot, and into normal shoes. I started driving again yesterday! It was SO awesome, but kind of strange. I still have some work before I am completely comfortable driving, but it's okay. Walking on the other hand, is quite a different and much harder endeavor. I truly am having to learn how to walk again. This morning I was walking around my room and realized just how sensitive my foot really is when I nearly fell over in pain from stepping on a small stack of post it notes! Getting to be barefoot and wearing 2 shoes makes me really appreciate and miss my walking boot, which I never thought would happen! ha ha. I really do have a new foot for all intensive purposes. Look down at your foot right now, and that's what my right foot now looks like. It looks like, and is, a normal foot! I have an arch for the first time in my life, and it no longer falls on the side. It's really strange learning to walk like a normal person ha ha. I can't wait until my other side is done and I'll have a new pair of feet!

Your continued prayers for strength and perseverance during this time would be totally awesome!

Great night!

So many good things and thoughts tonight!

Monday nights are probably my favorite of the whole week, most because of Vertical. I absolutely LOVE this ministry and encourage everyone to come! Every week Afshin ALWAYS has an incredible word to share that always leaves me asking myself questions and constantly growing.

And tonight we had an even more awesome time because Shane & Shane led worship, and it was SO awesome. I have never had the pleasure of hearing them live before, but it was just so amazing. Being around a ton of students worshipping is one of my all time favorite things, and it's just like everything else in the world fades away.

One of their newer songs, well new to me at least, is called Everything is Different, is so great. If you haven't heard it, go listen to it now! But the chorus really got me thinking.

"Who am I to know your glory?
Who am I to recognize a voice calling out?
How could I be in your story?
God who was and is and is to come"

So many times we talk about how God is a part of our lives, which is awesome and great...but I think so many times we forget that in reality we are part of HIS story. It's a humbling thought process for sure. How in the world am I worthy enough to be part of His story? To know and feel His love? To be able to hear Him speak? I just love the idea of being a part of His story. Sure, He's an incredibly huge part of my story, and for good reason. But He, God of the universe and Creator of all things, has chosen ME to be in HIS story. Crazy awesome and humbling to think about.

Switching gears a little....

Tonight we talked about giving, and why we are to give to those less fortunate. Tonight was part of our "Do Something Now" project in which we were asked to bring personal hygeine items to be sent to Mission Waco, to be distributed to the many homeless shelters in Waco. Our goal was 1,000 items but we surpased that greatly by donating 7,303 items tonight!! It seems like such a small thing to get a tube of toothpaste and some deordorant...but these are things that some people here can't afford. And while it's a small thing for me to do, the impact it makes will be life changing to someone in my community. Jesus' heart was ALWAYS focused on others; and the less fortunate and how to help them. We give to others because Jesus gave to us. There is no way for us to earn our salvation by giving or doing, but by giving and doing we are asserting our salvation by being obedient.

Healthcare.

Well, it happened. Healthcare passed.

Today America has changed, and not for the better.

Rob Worsham gave me permission to use his status, and it's exactly how I feel right now. "How about these congressmen actually listen to their constituents instead of their greedy, ambitious pride? Now that's a change I can believe in."

The majority of Americans have spoken loud and clear saying that they want no part of this piece of legislation...but Washington didn't hear. Or, even worse, they heard and ignored. I'm sorry, but last time I checked the reason we had elected officials representing us in Congress was that they would actually represent us. Just a crazy thought.

As someone who has a lot of medical issues, healthcare is an incredibly important thing for me personally. Government now runs healthcare, which BTW is not consitutional, and can now decide who I get to go see, if my condition is legit enough to get help for, and when I can see them. They think that we can add 32 million people to healthcare without adding to the deficit. Good thinking, guys. And with the same number of health care professionals. This is going to raise taxes ridiculously, and now private health care companies will likely phase out because they can't compete against a government run health care system.

A lot of this I think has nothing to do with healthcare, really. Yes, you just read that. This is about a president and other legislative members who are on a power trip. It doesn't matter what the bill was about necessarily, they just wanted to prove that they could pass a ridiculous, revolutionary reform just to say they could. They have completely lost touch with the American people, and right now our economy should be our top priority. And spending $1 trillion on a bill that no one wants isn't the best idea to lower our debt.

Listening to Obama is always hard for me, because he talks but never says anything. And that trend continued tonight. He even started off his speech by saying that this vote proved that we could pass big things...like that was the point. He talks about this like it is going to make America the best it has been. He says it will be better for parents who have children with a chronic illness, like mine. He says it will be better for small businesses, even though the raised taxes will cause them to shut down. My mom might lose her job because her boss doesn't know if he can stay open now. He calls it "a victory for common sense." Yeah, right.

I'd like to end with words of wisdom from Dr. Charles Krauthammer, a Fox news commentator, MD, and lawyer who is paralyzed from the neck down. "It is better to be paralyzed from the neck down, then from the neck up."

Thoughts.

So I have just finished week 2 of my new Bible study and I really am loving it. (I was a slacker and didn't do it over SB, so that's why it's been a week in between the starting and now). One principle that the past couple days has been based on is constantly in my mind, still without an answer to the many questions it has raised. So I will share it with all of you who actually read my blog, in hopes that it will raise similar questions in your own lives, and perhaps help answer them for everyone.

God shapes your life through circumstances, events, or other people. Throught true friends, false alliances, and suffering injustice or other hardships, He sculpts Christ- like chacteristics into our selfish hearts. This process can be painful, but the final result is that we become more like Jesus.

It's really true. Even the outwardly appearing negative things or relationships that we deal with have some sort of purpose, and God can use them for our benefit. He can use anything and anyone He wants to...we just have to be maleable enough to be used and shaped.

Another interesting thing that I guess I never really knew, (or if I did, I definitely forgot haha) was that diamonds come from coal. The only difference is time, intense heat and intense pressure. How can something so blah, grey and ugly turn into something that is revered as "a girl's best friend"? Crazy process...incredible outcome. It's the same in our walk. Crazy situations and really rough times with intensity and calamity..but an outcome beyond words...becoming a man/woman after God's heart, and closer to the person of Christ.

This is a crazy time in my life. And honestly, I don't know what God has for me through this whole process. This semester I have been in the worst physical pain of in my entire life, I've had to completely change my life because of this and I just know that there has to be something bigger in all of this. Bigger than the plans, bigger than the pain, and bigger than all my questions. And while I'm waiting for answers, that I may or may not ever get, I just have to be open for Him to mold and refine me through this process.

MIRACLE!!!

OH MY GOSH!!!

I literally cannot stop smiling right now and am SO happy, and SOOOO excited!! I got this email from my mom, who got it from a friend who saw this article on the front page of the Houston Chronicle this morning.

Here's the cliff note version in case you don't want to read the article...but in case you do the article link is below.

There has been a break through with CMT! (The type of MD I have) And they have found the mutation that causes about 70% of CMT cases. Weirdly, it's not a mutation of a gene, but rather a repetitive one. Strange. Anyways, so now that they've found the exact gene they are doing drug clinical trials to treat it!!!! God is so good and we just needed technology to catch up with everything. The article doesn't say much about the clinical trials, but I'm about to google it to see if I can find more in depth info about it, and if I do I'll be sure to post it. In the mean time PLEASE, PLEASE pray that this drug works!!

www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/6907223.html

No Guarentee.

I am constantly being reminded that we aren't guarenteed another day on this Earth. You never know when your life is going to end. I recently saw Remember Me, the latest Robert Pattinson and Pierce Brosnan flick. While the movie was absolutely AWFUL and I don't recommend it at all, that was the moral of the movie.

I am Spirit Chair for Kappa Chi Alpha, and essentially I am the prayer warrior. People send me their prayer requests, and I keep them to myself or pass them on to membership so we can all join in prayer and support each other. I recieved a request yesterday and it breaks my heart.

Taylor Storch, a 13 year old girl, (a dear friend of a member's little sister) was killed tragically late Sunday night. She was a first time skiier and it was just a freak accident that left her with several serious injuries, and she just couldn't pull through. Death is just such a rough thing to deal with, especially when you're 14. If you all could please life up Taylor's friends and family I would really appreciate it, and I know they would too.

Even in death Taylor was selfless and is donating her organs. Other people will be able to live because of her death. God is going to do something incredible with this awful situation.

You never know when God is going to call you home, and for Taylor it was during her last run on her spring break vacation. We all say we know that no hour, minute, or even second is guarenteed, but do we really live that way? Are we glorifying God with every breath we take? I know I fail on that front all the time.

What are you living for today?

Being used.

Now that I've started this blog, I'm realizing how little I have to say haha. Hopefully things will pick up after Spring Break is over. But now everyone besides Baylor has Spring Break!

Last week I started a new Bible study, and I'm really excited about it. It's a 12 week study by Tim Burns called Forged In the Fire. Each 4 weeks is dedicated to a character, the first being David. The whole basis of the book is how God uses situations (sometimes pretty sucky ones) for His glory and how we can use those situations to be molded into the person Christ calls us to be.

This first week was mostly an introduction to the book, but a lot about the background of David and leading up to him being chosen as king. Burns asks some really interesting questions that I never have thought about, like "Why do you think God did this?" or "Why do you think God did it this way?" Interesting to think about.

It's really cool to see the whole story, like what came before these great leaders we learn about, as well as what comes after. And one verse that Burns kept drilling and asked several times for the reader to write it out was 1 Sam 16:7 "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

David was really the outcast of his family. He is the youngest, smallest, and has to watch the sheep. One thing I never really thought of was that when Samuel came into town to choose the new king, it was a big deal. Everyone knew who Samuel was and it was like a celebrity coming to town. Especially for Jesse and his family, to have the honor of Samuel coming to his house...yet David wasn't invited. He wasn't even told. His brother was sent to go get him upon Samuel's request, and there is obvious tension between him and his oldest brother. So picture him set in this light. Not exactly someone on a pedestool you'd naturally think of to be the next king...but God did. He always uses the least likely (in human eyes) person, and one who has a weakness in some way. But God ALWAYS works through that weakness to bring His glory about, and the world is forever different because of them.

This surgery (and the one in 2 months give or take) have completely turned my world upside down. Many who know me know how much of a planner I am. Spontaneous isn't usually a word someone has used to describe me...or ever, that I know of. This was the most major surgery I have had, and the recovery still presses on. At least I'm walking now...those first 8 weeks of no walking drove me crazy!! I'm still not up to par yet but I'm getting there, and each little step makes my day. For example, last night in the shower I stood up for like 30 secs! Haha. But for reals, this was such a huge change for me so quickly. I found out I was having the surgery about 2 weeks before it actually happened. Taking a semester off of school was NEVER part of my plan, nor did I ever think it would. But I am already SO happy with the progress that has been made from this surgery, and I know it will only get better...especially after the other foot is done. There is a reason for this semester's life events, and although it may not be completely clear to me right now, it will be...hopefully soon!

God's plans are so mind boggling...and pure awesome. Learning about the people he uses should give us hope. No matter how weak, tiny, unconfident or whatever you think you are, or you have NO idea how you're going to handle a certain circumstance....God knows, and He WILL use you!

Hello all!

I've never blogged before, and I am awful at starting things like papers, so I'm a little shaky on how to begin my first post...bear with me!

I guess I'll start off by explaining the title of my blog, which is very significant. Learning to Walk means several things really. Every day I am learning to walk in different ways: both spiritually and physically. And no, the irony of my last name being Walker is not lost on me either :)

I'm in my sophomore year at the most amazing university in the world! My major is Nutrition and I am so excited! I love food, and nutrition is a key part of every one's health, but mine especially. Maintaining a healthy weight is crucial for someone like me and now I'll be knowledgeable about the subject and one day be able to help people like me do the same thing.

My entire life I've physically been different from everyone else, but it wasn't until the summer of 2003 that we had an answer as to why. And even now we only have half of the equation. I was diagnosed with Charcot-Marie Tooth, one of the hundreds of types of Muscular Dystrophy. The Sparknotes version of MD is that the muscles in my legs and feet are slowly wasting away, and eventually it will affect my hands...already has a little. Your muscles need protein to stay strong, but somewhere along the communication lines the information doesn't get there, so they never stay strong. Walking is a daily struggle for me, hence my blog name. This Christmas I had the first in a series of surgeries that reconstructed my foot, so I'll be able to walk and stand for more of my life than before :) Without this surgery and the one to follow in a couple months, not being able to walk or stand was in my near future....a scary thought. People respond to me in different ways; some I appreciate and some I don't. Some random passerbyers call me crippled, or make sarcastic comments about how I walk. Some friends get really awkward when they talk about physical activities or getting a group together doing something I can't do. But then there are my amazing friends who treat me just like anyone else, like there's nothing wrong with me. They ask questions to get more knowledge on my life and my condition (which is TOTALLY fine, I love answering questions. Ignorance is frustrating and I truly don't mind when people ask); but at the end of the day I'm the same as everyone else. I still have the same hopes and desires as everyone else, I just have to do things a little differently than everyone else.

I don't know how I would deal with any of this or get through the day without my faith. I know it sounds cliche, but for reals God is my strength always. It says in Psalm 73:26 "My heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." This is one of the many verses I hold close, because it's true for me. I literally can't put my faith in my body because it's failing me everyday....I HAVE to depend on God.

So that's what this blog is about. My daily struggles with MD, how my faith gets me through it, and spiritual questions I'm asking myself or just awesome things God is teaching me. I've toyed with the idea of writing a blog for some time, and I'm finally doing it. Maybe someone with MD will read it and not feel so alone, maybe someone will be facing the same situation or spiritual question I am. Maybe no one will read this and it will simply be a catharsis for me.