Wednesday, May 21, 2014

My mess.

Am I the only one who feels like sometimes my life is just a hot mess?

There are still my difficult days like today where it literally hurts to do nothing. Still learning and applying what I learned from Mayo to make sure that I don't just stay at home and isolate on these days...always learning to walk in this process...

But aside from the mess of chronic illness, as of late I have felt like a mess in totally "normal" areas, such as relationships. And in the midst of my broken heart I went to spend the weekend with my sister for some much needed girl time. And as always, God has a plan for me being there exactly at that moment and had a message for me. On Sunday we went to her church and the message was all about Joseph and how God uses even the negative and sucky situations for His glory. And along comes the cliche - turning your mess into a message.

It says in Genesis 50:20 that what Joseph's brothers meant for evil (you know - selling him into slavery, convincing his father that his favorite child was killed - minor things) that God intended for His good. If Joseph hadn't gone through his traumatic experiences he would not have risen to his high standing, and as that verse states many people would have died as a result. His mess became his biggest message...so why can't yours?

God uses EVERYTHING for His purpose and to show His love and glory. And I suppose a part of me feels like trivial things like friendships, random interactions with strangers, and heart wrenching break ups aren't "lofty" enough to have some greater purpose but they do! God can literally use anything to bring someone closer to Him. It has always been a very obvious factor for me that being sick will aid in my testimony and message to others - it's who I am. I can't get through each day without Christ's strength. There have been SO many times where I have felt like I'm stuck in the deepest pits of hell, and there's no way I could have made it through those times without my faith. Meeting so many other people at Mayo who struggled with chronic illness I found myself amazed at how so many seemingly were alright getting through life with no faith or without Jesus. What do they have to hope for and hold onto? Another post for another time...

But all this to say that has been a huge part of my life and expectantly a huge part of my testimony. But even the smaller things like my recent break up can aid in my message too. This situation, though extremely painful, could help me help someone else down the line. I'm sure at some point someone I know will go through a break up, and perhaps the same situation happens to them that happened to me. And since I have lived through that experience I can share my story and show them there is light on the other side.

I feel like I'm rambling at this point and my brain fog/aphasia is setting in so I should probably stop while I'm ahead. But remember that no matter what is going on in your life, whether its a relationship ending, financial distress, health issues, job issues - God will take the negative and turn it into positive. He has the power to turn your mess into a message. God isn't going to waste a hurt in your life - it is going to be used for your good. Promise. You may not be able to see it now but in the big picture of your life there is a reason for it. This is a lesson I am continuing to learn, and it is a hard one....hopefully my mess is being used as a message and it brings hope for you.