Friday, February 2, 2018

We're No Different.

Big news of the day: my surgery is only 11 days away!!! I am both anxious and excited. My knee has given me so much extra pain and hardship on top of my already perfectly functioning body (ha!) that I am ready for the problem to be fixed!

Many of you know I have been using a wheelchair part time for about 10 years now. But with my knee being how it is, for the past month-ish I’ve been using it at work, which has been new and an amusement park of feelings. It’s no secret that I don’t use my wheelchair all the times that I should, because of the reactions I get from other people. I know I should be more mature and ignore the people, but when it’s your whole life and you don’t have to actually deal with it – that is a lot easier said than done.

After bringing up the topic with some of my non-disabled friends I was enlightened to find out that the reactions so many of us take the wrong way are sometimes people just being uncomfortable or not knowing how to handle the situation. So I’m hoping to shed light on the situation and tell my story from my perspective.

There are so many different reactions I get in my wheelchair – some positive, most not. To over-simplify it: treat us as you would any other person. That’s what we want and need. It’s hard enough mentally to go out in public in a wheelchair, fearing what people will say or do, and we don’t need it made harder by people treating us differently. My IQ doesn’t drop because I’m sitting down. I’ve gotten several comments from patients and their family members in the neighborhood of “A medical professional in a wheelchair? Wow!” or “You’re working in a wheelchair? That’s too hard.” Or several times I’ve gone into a room and heard “You’re in a wheelchair!” Yes, I’m aware. I’m also aware of my age. Unfortunately, disability doesn’t filter out based on age or occupation; it can happen to anyone at any stage in life. There’s no need to point it out. Trust me, we are hyperaware of our situation and are trying to lead as normal a life as possible, and you pointing it out for no particular reason other than to bring attention to it is embarrassing and unnecessary.

It is natural to wonder why someone is in a wheelchair, but there is a considerate way to ask. It’s not very helpful or constructive to ask someone “What’s wrong with you?” It automatically makes that person feel less than equal. If you’re curious and feel it’s an open moment, say something to the effect of “If you don’t mind me asking, why do you use a wheelchair?” This gives the person an opportunity to share if they feel like it, and to spin it positively by saying it aids me in this way or this is what condition I have, as opposed to something negative or wrong.

Surprisingly in the healthcare field, or at least my experience with my current facility, some people have straight up ignored me, or started conversations where I can’t hear or be involved which is frustrating. If I was standing, that wouldn’t have happened or I could have squeezed my way in, but in my chair I can’t.
One last topic I will touch on is praising disabled people like we’re superheroes. Yes, we very much appreciate when it’s recognized how much harder we fight to do the same things, but as with everything else there is a proper way to go about it. I don’t need you to be impressed that I’m holding down a job or going to the grocery store. It’s not appreciated when comments like “Good for you for getting out of the house” or “I can’t believe you have a job!” are stated. Just because I need to sit more than you doesn’t mean I’m some sort of demi-god for still doing what’s expected of a productive member of society. If anything, recognize the struggle. Say “Wow, that must be really hard,” or comment on their strength and determination. We want normalcy. We crave it. If I’m doing something ordinary but just happen to be in my chair, it’s not an Olympic medal worthy thing. It doesn’t need to be commented on.

Hopefully this helps non-disabled people see a little into how their (sometimes) well-intentioned statements are taken from the other side. Honestly I think it just is a lack of understanding from each side. Our culture is so quick to point out differences and especially with the rise of social media it seems like so many ordinary life events are now competitions for who can do it the best or putting on a happy face when behind closed doors life is completely different. Many people are taught that different automatically means worse, which isn’t the case. When you interact with someone in a wheelchair, just treat them like you would anyone else. We’re not as different as you think.

*Note: I do not speak for all disabled people who use a wheelchair. I’ve just dealt with this personally for so long and have many friends who feel the same way. There are times when we need help, were not invincible and DO need extra help, but still want to go about our life without that being any more of an issue than it already is.



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